Tag: confidence

Posted in Personal Journal Blog

Finding My Voice Again

Posted on by @JeriMooreBrunton

The Body Remembers, Even When It Resists

The pipes are rusty, the windbag is saggy, and the face doesn’t vibrate the way it used to. I have to touch tone points on my face to nail the pitch and circle my arm over my head to make the high tone flow out. I punch low with my fists to get some grit and punch and sway my hips back and forth, trying to keep from tensing up.

I breathe to the bottom of my diaphragm like a baby and control the air as it comes out with inarticulate words that trip over my now uncoordinated tongue. My throat feels like there is a pillow in it, and I want to just rip my thyroid out.

Warming Up an Old Instrument

I’ve warmed up with mmmmmm’s and hmmmmm’s and buzzing lip arpeggios, pops, and mē, meh, ma, mō, mooooooo, and I couldn’t be any warmer unless you put me in the oven. My throat is scratchy and I want to drink a gallon of warm olive oil just so I can get through one song with the smooth masterful tone of years gone by.

Proof That Time Doesn’t Kill Talent

This is not impossible. I know I can get it back. I saw Tony Bennett croon like the man until the day he died with power and finesse. Stevie Wonder is 74 and still a musical genius. He plays and sings like a 30-year-old. Ann Wilson is still killing it at 75. She is a barracuda.

Ann Wilson performs at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco in 2022.
Photo: Steve Jennings/WireImage

Fear, Image, and the Long Pause

I know I put away my instrument for a while. Uni gave me severe stage fright that I had never experienced before, but I don’t want to be held down by that anymore. My fear of getting on stage and not looking like a slim sleek sexy singer has to go. I am old and fat! I get it. My weight and appearance is a stupid reason to hide away the gift God gave me. I should just say fuck everyone who doesn’t like my look and sing as if no one is looking or listening.

Daily Practice and Looking Ahead

So I’m doing my 30 minutes a day of singing and now I’m on my 30 minutes of writing, so I’m documenting the progress so that a month from now I can look back and say whahhhhh, laaa, laaaa, laaaa, laaaa I’m back bitches!

In a month from now, I want to start going to karaoke with Molly twice a month, singing in front of people, not in a private karaoke room. I hope to help my brother with a musical project he and his band are working on, and I want to jettison the rest of my talent before my star burns out forever.

Staying on Stage Anyway

I don’t know how to overcome my fear of stepping back on stage. Maybe I need to just keep getting on stage and stay there, even if I hear skinny bitches commenting on my looks in the front row. The world is judgy, and people are mean. I have let those whispers make me feel inferior and keep me down. I have buried my talent in fear, and I hope those days are over. I’m determined to find my voice, courage and get my groove back.

Photo by Suvan Chowdhury on Pexels.com
Posted in Personal Journal Blog

A little of the big picture

Posted on by @JeriMooreBrunton

I have been working so hard lately and loving it. I have taken on a great part-time job that has a fulfilling mission where I meet amazing people who want to make a change in our world. I’ve been studying 12 hrs a week online to complete my Digital Marketing certificate at a major university and after 15+ years of self-taught marketing, I opened my own digital marketing company. All of these things feel huge to me because in my mind, in my universe these are my greatest accomplishments and I am proud of them.

When someone asks my husband how I’m doing in a phone conversation, I will hear him say complimentary things about how hard i’m working but then he says, “she started this little business,” The words ring in my ears and sting a little bit. I am a woman so to hear a man say that something I have worked hard to launch is “little” is infuriating even coming from the man I love. When we spend years gaining our skills and spend hours upon hours studying after food shopping, doing the bills, taking care of a child, and getting dinner on the table. I don’t want my efforts to be reduced to something little. Yes, the size of my new company is indeed little but the effort taken to get me where I am to have the confidence to launch and market what I have to offer is huge.

I am competitive and I want to succeed. My goal has always been to create a legacy that will support our family in our retirement because, well I love working but I don’t want to work till I die (no one does). I may start out “little” but my efforts will be big. I will under promise and over deliver and do whatever it takes to help my clients realize their own success through marketing. I will keep working until the only thing others think of when describing my company is “big”. It will be a minute before I get there but I am putting the time in and have the skills and then some. So the moral of this story is if someone ever says what you are trying to achieve is “little” prove them wrong. Prove to them that you are in it for the long haul. Share your end goal with everyone and take them to the top of your mountain where they can sit and watch your plans unfold. Give them the best seat in the house so they can see your “little” idea grow into something beautiful and “big”!

Posted in Personal Journal Blog

Crazy and Unashamed

Posted on by @JeriMooreBrunton

Have you ever felt so lost and bored that you googled yourself trying to find the person you used to be? Decades ago, before you became who you are now? The person before computers or social media. The person before rent, bills, marriage, mortgage, and motherhood? The person filled with dreams and a vision. Did you find them? Did you see that person you keep hearing about when you run into a friend from the past? Did you find an old conversation about you archived in the depths of the digital ether world? No? Search came up empty? Not there? And if you did find yourself do you recognize the pixelated person starting back at you from the screen?

Life moves on, and for some, our blueprint changes so much we are almost unrecognizable to the outside world. After a while, you may not even be sure you know if you’re an authentic version of yourself. This lost feeling is unacceptable but true for so many of us. The only person that can pull you out of that rabbit hole is YOU!

I am only 53, and I have heard that everything vibrant and stunning about me is an ancient memory. I hear these things repeatedly said to my daughters. “Your mother used to be a babe,” “oh my God, you were such an amazing singer,” “oh, you used to write the most captivating stories!” I’m over it. I smile and listen, thinking, are you serious? I’m standing right here”! “Am I invisible? I can actually hear you!” Hey, newsflash, I’m still alive and kicking, not for everyone and a friend to anyone. I have three powerful daughters, and my husband still loves me. I’ve done “stuff and things!” I’ve been a place or two! Ok, it’s time for a reboot. I’m rewriting the old me with a new me. Creative, carefree, and indulgent. Follow me, come along for the ride, don’t come along for the ride. Like me or don’t like me, It’s your choice. Not to be rude or anything, but it took me 53 years to be able to say, I don’t care! I’m going to jump in the driver’s seat and own this bitch. I’m tired of riding along down everyone else’s road. Get out of my way. I’m about to open a can of crazy and unashamed on the world.