Lately, I have been reunited with our 3 daughters and am now living in the same home with them. I don’t live here as their mom, as they are all over 18 and have been living successfully, independently, and thriving without their parents, 8000 miles away for months and years. We live in the same house but I am here as their “flatmate” not their mom. I don’t want to steal their thunder or hinder their personal growth.
We go out regularly and being in their presence is like swimming in the fountain of youth. I listen to them talk about where they are in life and find that I want to share that I’ve been there too to be relatable and share wisdom. They have sarcastic senses of humor and I want to join in but it just hits differently, and sometimes the intentions of my jokes or words are misconstrued.
I’m sensitive so if things aren’t flowing easily when in their presence I become awkward and they jokingly refer to mom as a “pick me girl”. With their dad they have become accustomed to humorously insulting each other, a game I have never played very well. I am indeed a “words of affirmation” gal and when words are less than uplifting and kind I get confused. I giggle for a bit and then find it hard to decipher whether what is being said is in jest or their true feelings. One out of four times things will go sour and I end up clamming up when all I wanted to do was hang out with my Uber cool girls and be their friend. I have to remind myself that I am more than a friend, I made them! There’s a fine line you dance when you want to befriend your children and the family dynamic is blurred.
Our girls are all 3 strong, command attention with their presence, and are creative and smart. When we go places together I pridefully walk a bit taller and a few steps behind, allowing them to joke and speak freely without feeling I am hovering. I am happy just to watch them and most of the time am amazed that I took part in their creation. Yes, I’m a proud mamma.
We have fun together most of the time and I am so thankful to be with them again. I missed them so much when we were apart. They are 18 – 24 and I’m almost 56. My age says I’m old but I feel far from it. I work and live with young people, most of my closest friends are at least 15 hrs younger than me, yet we relate somehow. I’m quirky, I know, and some of the things I say and do are unpredictable at times. I’m not your average bear. I am energetic, a little crazy, love intellectual stimulation, and still crave the magic of newness in my life. My mom was the same, the life of the party, that woman dancing on the dance floor when no one else would, laughing her loud musical laugh and loving with all her heart, so I come by my personality honestly. I had an amazingly close relationship with my mother and I feel I am blessed in the same way with my girls.
It’s tricky to not cross the line of being friends vs family with our girls, and I learn as they find themselves in their discovery years I am still finding myself too. Life is never dull, we laugh, have DMCs, and sometimes fight, it’s all part of our close dynamic. Regardless of distance, lifes joys and challenges, or where we are emotionally, we are so close and always have each other’s backs. In our relationships, we complement each other with our strengths and call out our weaknesses no matter how ugly they can get. We never lose sight of how much we love one another and each day is a growth opportunity or chance to make another lasting memory.
Yeah I want to be relevant to our girls always but I am a mom first and foremost and I was cool, fashionable, fun, and vibrant before our three lovelies ever drew a breath. I want to share that with them and want them to be as proud of me as I am of them. Ok, that does sound a bit “pick me” but who cares. Everyone is a “pick me” to some degree, aren’t they?
Jeri's Brain Dump 