Tag: friendship

Posted in Personal Journal Blog

Friends and Family

Posted on by @JeriMooreBrunton

Lately, I have been reunited with our 3 daughters and am now living in the same home with them. I don’t live here as their mom, as they are all over 18 and have been living successfully, independently, and thriving without their parents, 8000 miles away for months and years. We live in the same house but I am here as their “flatmate” not their mom. I don’t want to steal their thunder or hinder their personal growth.

We go out regularly and being in their presence is like swimming in the fountain of youth. I listen to them talk about where they are in life and find that I want to share that I’ve been there too to be relatable and share wisdom. They have sarcastic senses of humor and I want to join in but it just hits differently, and sometimes the intentions of my jokes or words are misconstrued.

I’m sensitive so if things aren’t flowing easily when in their presence I become awkward and they jokingly refer to mom as a “pick me girl”. With their dad they have become accustomed to humorously insulting each other, a game I have never played very well. I am indeed a “words of affirmation” gal and when words are less than uplifting and kind I get confused. I giggle for a bit and then find it hard to decipher whether what is being said is in jest or their true feelings. One out of four times things will go sour and I end up clamming up when all I wanted to do was hang out with my Uber cool girls and be their friend. I have to remind myself that I am more than a friend, I made them! There’s a fine line you dance when you want to befriend your children and the family dynamic is blurred.

Our girls are all 3 strong, command attention with their presence, and are creative and smart. When we go places together I pridefully walk a bit taller and a few steps behind, allowing them to joke and speak freely without feeling I am hovering. I am happy just to watch them and most of the time am amazed that I took part in their creation. Yes, I’m a proud mamma.

We have fun together most of the time and I am so thankful to be with them again. I missed them so much when we were apart. They are 18 – 24 and I’m almost 56. My age says I’m old but I feel far from it. I work and live with young people, most of my closest friends are at least 15 hrs younger than me, yet we relate somehow. I’m quirky, I know, and some of the things I say and do are unpredictable at times. I’m not your average bear. I am energetic, a little crazy, love intellectual stimulation, and still crave the magic of newness in my life. My mom was the same, the life of the party, that woman dancing on the dance floor when no one else would, laughing her loud musical laugh and loving with all her heart, so I come by my personality honestly. I had an amazingly close relationship with my mother and I feel I am blessed in the same way with my girls.

It’s tricky to not cross the line of being friends vs family with our girls, and I learn as they find themselves in their discovery years I am still finding myself too. Life is never dull, we laugh, have DMCs, and sometimes fight, it’s all part of our close dynamic. Regardless of distance, lifes joys and challenges, or where we are emotionally, we are so close and always have each other’s backs. In our relationships, we complement each other with our strengths and call out our weaknesses no matter how ugly they can get. We never lose sight of how much we love one another and each day is a growth opportunity or chance to make another lasting memory.

Yeah I want to be relevant to our girls always but I am a mom first and foremost and I was cool, fashionable, fun, and vibrant before our three lovelies ever drew a breath. I want to share that with them and want them to be as proud of me as I am of them. Ok, that does sound a bit “pick me” but who cares. Everyone is a “pick me” to some degree, aren’t they?

Posted in Personal Journal Blog

Do I know you?

Posted on by @JeriMooreBrunton

You know those people in your life that you could only see every few years, and every time you are together again, it’s as if you haven’t missed a beat? I hope everyone has a few friends or family members like that. They are precious and something you never should let go of. Those kinds of people make us feel connected, needed, wanted, and loved. Those people you would stand up for even when you know they’re wrong.

Then other people in our lives are there as a matter of convenience to themselves, the fair-weather friends, the people who seem to tolerate you more than they embrace you. We all know those people too. I don’t know about you, but those kinds of people confuse and drain me. Who knows? In all fairness, it may be mutual. Those people are the ones you wish would speak up and say, “Hey, we just don’t click, your really not my kind of person, not due to any fault of your own, but I just don’t feel we connect.” Wouldnt it be nice if people who seem like they can’t be bothered spending time with you just spoke God’s honest truth and spared you one more lost moment of your life?

As a Gen X person, I find the way we communicate with each other these days mysterious, impersonal, and cold. I see this when Email and text tones are misinterpreted, and Messenger and Instagram messages are left on “seen” and never answered. And phone messages are almost pointless as no one seems to listen to them. In my life, up until 1992, we used telephones. If the phone rang, you answered it. There was phone etiquette, and people appropriately communicated with each other. As a child, I would get excited when the phone rang, and my siblings and I would race to see who could answer it first at the risk of tripping and breaking each other’s limbs tangled in the 6-foot long phone chord ending up in a twister like pile on the floor.

People talked, they cared about what was happening in each other’s lives, and they made an effort. I used to make a point of calling all of my friends at least one time a month. With the invention of answering machines, I was able to leave a message even if no one was home or they couldn’t make it to the phone. I would check-in and say, “Hey, I’m thinking about you.” And in return, I would get a kind call back within 24 hours. I knew the people who returned my calls cared. Sure, people didn’t always answer the phone or call back. The invention of answering machines also allowed people to “screen” their calls, and this is when we found we were able to pick and choose who we wanted to talk to and who we didn’t. If people screened my calls and never called back, then it was pretty clear they were not interested in allowing me to be a part of their lives, and without them uttering a word, I would move on.

I’m taking stock of the people I had thought played essential roles in my life, the lives of my children and us in theirs. Technology, as I see it, is making it easy for people to ghost their friends and family. It has taken the emotion away from communication and made it easy for us to make statements that hurt others because we don’t have to look each other in the eyes or listen to the repercussions of our expressions. This offends me, but it doesn’t offend everyone. My husband says people don’t reply because they’re busy or they may have missed the message. Fair enough, but when I see someone who has ignored my attempt to connect with them who has left me on “seen” for days or weeks, and then I see them taking the time to like and comment on several of the same posts I have on social media or post 20 photos of today’s lunch, their dog and kids, I call bullshit. I saw your TikTok, I see your “Bad Habits,” and though you’re having a good time zoning out thinking your virtual reality is “Good 4 U,” I’m wondering if we’re still friends? Do I know you, I mean really?

When I don’t get a response via text, email, FaceTime call, or phone, I feel canceled. I’m not playing this new communication game. It “gives me the yuck!” We all need to connect with people sincerely. It’s good for our hearts, our mental health, and our souls. If I contact you, it’s because I genuinely care about YOU. If I get no response, I, like most people, will get the picture, feel my heart break a little, and move on; I see you.

Life is too short for silence and blank emotion. Heartfelt faithful and loving relationships are hard to come by, I know but, I’m willing to risk losing my 500 + digital relationships with people I haven’t talked to in over 30 years for a few genuine soul mates who love me for who I am and respect my efforts of nurturing our relationship and time. No left on seen, no ghosting, no canceling, just honest, loving, joy-filled connections with people who cherish me as much as I do them. Is that too much to ask?