singing – Jeri's Brain Dump

The Body Remembers, Even When It Resists

The pipes are rusty, the windbag is saggy, and the face doesn’t vibrate the way it used to. I have to touch tone points on my face to nail the pitch and circle my arm over my head to make the high tone flow out. I punch low with my fists to get some grit and punch and sway my hips back and forth, trying to keep from tensing up.

I breathe to the bottom of my diaphragm like a baby and control the air as it comes out with inarticulate words that trip over my now uncoordinated tongue. My throat feels like there is a pillow in it, and I want to just rip my thyroid out.

Warming Up an Old Instrument

I’ve warmed up with mmmmmm’s and hmmmmm’s and buzzing lip arpeggios, pops, and mē, meh, ma, mō, mooooooo, and I couldn’t be any warmer unless you put me in the oven. My throat is scratchy and I want to drink a gallon of warm olive oil just so I can get through one song with the smooth masterful tone of years gone by.

Proof That Time Doesn’t Kill Talent

This is not impossible. I know I can get it back. I saw Tony Bennett croon like the man until the day he died with power and finesse. Stevie Wonder is 74 and still a musical genius. He plays and sings like a 30-year-old. Ann Wilson is still killing it at 75. She is a barracuda.

Ann Wilson performs at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco in 2022.
Photo: Steve Jennings/WireImage

Fear, Image, and the Long Pause

I know I put away my instrument for a while. Uni gave me severe stage fright that I had never experienced before, but I don’t want to be held down by that anymore. My fear of getting on stage and not looking like a slim sleek sexy singer has to go. I am old and fat! I get it. My weight and appearance is a stupid reason to hide away the gift God gave me. I should just say fuck everyone who doesn’t like my look and sing as if no one is looking or listening.

Daily Practice and Looking Ahead

So I’m doing my 30 minutes a day of singing and now I’m on my 30 minutes of writing, so I’m documenting the progress so that a month from now I can look back and say whahhhhh, laaa, laaaa, laaaa, laaaa I’m back bitches!

In a month from now, I want to start going to karaoke with Molly twice a month, singing in front of people, not in a private karaoke room. I hope to help my brother with a musical project he and his band are working on, and I want to jettison the rest of my talent before my star burns out forever.

Staying on Stage Anyway

I don’t know how to overcome my fear of stepping back on stage. Maybe I need to just keep getting on stage and stay there, even if I hear skinny bitches commenting on my looks in the front row. The world is judgy, and people are mean. I have let those whispers make me feel inferior and keep me down. I have buried my talent in fear, and I hope those days are over. I’m determined to find my voice, courage and get my groove back.

If there is anything, I know way too much about its singing. I am an expert in the area of vocal training; even though, at the moment, I am not in the best vocal shape. To be honest, I am a bit rusty because I haven’t practiced what I am about to share with you daily. But this is not about me; it’s about you. So you want to sing! Before you decide to quit your job to go on the road and sell out Madison Square Garden 10 times over, you need to learn some basics. The first and most important thing you need to work on as a budding vocal master is your stance, posture, and breathing. Here are three things I do when I start a voice lesson with my students.

• Loosen up: Place your knees shoulder-width apart and bend them slightly. Loosen your hips and rock them side to side. Relax your torso. Shake off the tension of the day and kind of bounce lightly from the knees. Relaxation is necessary so that you can expand your muscles as needed to create sound.

• Stand tall: Now that you’re relaxed, I want you to look in a full-length mirror (if you have one) and look at your posture. Without tensing up your body, stand tall (don’t lock your knees or tighten your gluteus Maximus, or for you smaller people minimus, lol). Stand tall as you look in the mirror and picture a string running out the top of your head. Pull it up with your hand. Keep your body soft and lift your chest, keep your shoulders down, tuck your butt under and still keep your knees slightly bent. This stance is necessary for support when you’re singing.

• Breathe like a baby: Standing in the correct position, place the palms of your hands on your belly, just below your belly button. You are going to take a breath, but not the kind of breath that you take into your chest that raises your pecks. You are going to take a deep diaphragm engaging breath. Drop your jaw slightly and breathe in as if you are giving a big sigh. You should feel no tension in your body with this breath, and your lower abdomen should expand. (If you lifted your chest, you didn’t do it right). Picture watching a baby breathe. If the standing method is not working for you, lay on your back. Place your hands on your lower abdomen and take in a sighing breath. Your chest will be still, and your hands will rise and fall with each breath. Remember the sleeping baby? When you watch them breathe, their stomach is actively going up and down. Connect with the lower part of your belly; this is where you want your air to land. Getting this down before you go any further is vital because your breath is what supports your sound.

That’s all I’m going to give you for now. Practice this for a week and watch this space for the next steps. Comment or IM me with questions; I’m happy to help you troubleshoot these basics. Remember trying something new or fine-tuning an old skill and breaking bad habits takes time. Do the best you can, have fun, relax and be gentle with yourself and you’ll be singing before you know it. Who knows, someday you may be the next up-and-coming Facebook karaoke superstar!

Tag: singing

Finding My Voice Again